How I got into special ed
I performed as the assistant principal's T.A for my Junior year in high school, and I was a total loser. I had friends, yeah, but they were all stoners and losers as well. I had friends who were girls, but they thought I was either gay or just a friend. T.A was my first class of the day, and it was always epic. I worked in the office, and they gave me whatever I wanted. If I wanted some coffee, they would pour me some. They always had cookies for the teachers coming in, so it was epic.
Back to the story, one day I was asked to go to a class and deliver a note to the teacher. I hated this. Anyone who has ever been a T.A and is socially awkward knows this sucks. You have to go into a class, and everyone looks at you. You usually fuck up, fall, or look stupid, and they laugh.
This time I went up a few flights of stairs to the E building, and I went to a class I never went to before. There was only one desk in the small room, and there were only five kids in the class. Lucky fucking bastards. I wish I could have been in a class with such a small amount of kids.
I saw the teacher talking to her assistant, and I gave her the note that I was sent with. She asked me to sit down while she wrote a note back to the lady who worked in the office that I sat in, and I settled down where the kids were.
There were three guys and two girls. The three guys were all punching and hitting each other. They looked pretty normal, but they kept on hitting each other and saying stuff that I didn't even understand. While waiting, they all got up and started moving back to the end of the class with their continued slapping. The assistant went up to them and then took them outside to talk.
The two girls sitting with me stared at me. The first one was really plain and ugly. She had droopy eyes and looked like she could be more awkward than me. She was fidgeting in her seat, and she was tapping one of her hands against the other for some reason. The other was one of the cutest girls I've ever seen. Long red hair, really pretty blue eyes, and she was so small and petite. I asked her how class was, and she said it in the most amazing voice ever. She said that class was good, and she smiled.
And this my friends, is the story of how I joined Special Ed. to fuck a retarded girl.
I didn't say anything else to the girl, but I got the note from the classroom teacher a few minutes later and that was it. I went back to the office and asked what class that was, and the lady who was the secretary to the assistant principal told me that was one of the Special Ed. unit classes.
At first, I didn't know what to say. I thought the class was weird with it having such small amount of students compared to my classes, but they didn't look like total retards. I asked what kind of retards they were, and the secretary laughed at me and said not to use that term. I apologized, and she said that they weren't that handicapped. They had stuff like ADD, asperger syndrome, depression, dyslexia, and other stuff that made it hard for them to function in a bigger classroom with more students.
That's when I knew what my destiny was. I had to join that class. I had to get away from the idiotic peers I had to deal with. No more would I be ignored and treated like a total freak. I would go to a class where I could be the most normal one out of all of them, but the question was: how I do all of this?
I spent the rest of the day stalking outside that classroom when I had my passing periods. I actually used my T.A pass to skip one of my classes and watch from outside. The five kids never changed their classes. They had the same teacher every day. They had different lunch times from everyone. When we had lunch, they were in class. During 5th period, they got up and went out to lunch while everyone was in class.
The girl was constantly there with her friend, drawing and writing in the cutest way possible. I was hoping that she wasn't really that handicapped and only had one of those phony ones like depression. I could handle a girl who wanted to kill herself. I could not handle a girl that threw up on herself constantly and needed me to wipe it off.
After the last bell rang, I watched as the girl with the long cherry colored hair came out of class and walked outside. I followed behind, walking through the crowd like a ninja, and kept on going until she got close to the gate.
She waited by the gate, not going past it, and I waited. A few of my loser friends came up and tried to fuck with my plan, but I told them to screw off and let me watch the girl. I stood probably twenty feet from her, watching and waiting until she went somewhere.
Finally, a middle-aged woman came up to her and took her hand. The red headed girl smiled, hugged the woman, and they walked hand and hand outside the gate and down the steep road that led to the parking lot.
I stalked behind them, seeing where they were going, and watched as they got into their mini van together and drove off. It was weird seeing a probable seventeen-year-old going hand by hand with an older woman while surrounded by teenagers, but it was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life.
My destiny was written in stone, people. I needed to be with this girl. I didn't care if she threw up on me, my family, and my stupid friends. I had to be with her, but I couldn't if I wasn't in her classes. If I wasn't in her classes, I would never get to see her. No lunch together, and she got picked right up by that lady.
I had to join Special Education. It was my goal.
I went home and started thinking what I could do to talk to her and get into that damn unit. My Mom and Dad were always good to me, and being an only child, I was always the center of attention to them when it came to problems. During dinner, I stopped eating for a few seconds and said that I had a good day. They were happy that I had a good day at school for once and didn't say how boring and stupid it was.
I then threw in that I went to a classroom of only five kids today, and I said how great it was. My Dad asked what kind of class it was, and I said it was the class for Special Education. My Dad laughed, commented on how all the special kids should be moved away from the regular kids for safety reasons, and that was the end of me asking if it would be okay if I transferred there.
Knowing that they wouldn't help me and wouldn't vouch for me having a problem, I went to school the next idea with an idea. I started talking to the secretary, wanting to know who I went to for changing classes. She said it was the adviser's job of each grade to put people in classes.
I went to my adviser, a young female that could be only years out of college, and started laying it on. I told her that my family was hiding a secret from the school and that I wasn't cut out for regular classes. She looked at my grades and said they were very good, but I argued that it was only because I copied and cheated.
She replied that she would call my parents, but I pleaded not to. I put on some fake tears, thinking about dead kittens, and told her that if she told my parents, they would hate me forever. I asked if she could put me into an easier class, and she said what type of unit I was looking for.
I told her about the class in the E Building, and she said that was Mrs. Rook's class. I said that class could fit me well, and she commented that the smaller class size could help me if I was having trouble. She gave me a hug, said everything would be alright, and wondered if I wanted a candy. People were really nicer to me when they thought I was mentally challenged.
All I wanted to know was one thing. I asked if I could know what problems the kids in the class had. One had really bad depression, two had aspergers, one just lost both of their parents in a fire, and one was psychotic.
And lucky me, I was in love with a psycho.Next day I went to the adviser, signed out of all my old classes except T.A, and I walked into my new world in Classroom 52 on the third floor in the E Building. When I walk in, the three boys are all sitting at one end of the table and the two girls are at the other.
Mrs. Rook says that she was very proud of me for telling the adviser about my situation, and she gave me a hug. She said that I would love it in this classroom, and I would excel like no one ever expected me to. I hadn't got this much praise since winning the spelling bee in fourth grade. My teacher gave me a high five and had a pizza party for my accomplishment.
The teacher told the whole class to stop working and look up at me. She explained that I was coming from regular classes to their class because I wanted to open my eyes to different options the school gave us. Essentially, she was telling them that I was too stupid to be in regular classes, so I came to their stupid class to do no work and get A's.
She asked if I wanted to say anything about myself, and I told them my name. I said I was very happy to meet all of them, and the three idiot guys all started laughing. Two of them were hitting each other while this was going on, and I guessed they had that aspergers syndrome. The other guy was laughing, but he didn't look happy to be here. I pegged him as the guy who's parents got killed right off the bat. Putting that down to the two girls. One was psycho, the one I wanted, and the weird girl was the one with major depression.
Mrs. Rook replied after that I did a great job saying hello to everyone, and all six people in the class started to clap for me. Her assistant, an elder woman, gave me a hug and told me that I could sit anywhere.
They gave me some bullshit sheet that wanted to know how I was and all that. It was worth 20 points, which would be probably three days of work in most of my old classes, and it only took me about thirty minutes to finish.
I worked on the side with the two girls, but I didn't really talk to them while writing my paper. I thought it would be bad if I crept the psycho girl out on the first day. When finished, the girl with depression looked at my paper and commented on how fast I did it. She said that it took her two days to finish hers, and she looked sad.
I said that I only finished it so fast because I didn't really try (and I didn't, but that was because it was so fucking simple), and she seemed to be a little bit happier. The girl with red hair said that it was nice to see me again, and she told me her name was Zoe. Not Zoey. Not Zooey. Just Zoe.
She wanted to know if I liked the class so far, and I told her it was great. It was insanely boring listening to the three retards to my right talking about what type of breasts they liked the best when two girls were right by them, but it wasn't that bad. It was way more relaxing than my other classes.
Lunch came, and the five of us got up and went to the lunchroom. It was amazing, guys. It was fucking amazing. No one was there except for us five kids and then probably twenty more. Instead of 3,000 kids fighting over spots in line, it was only about twenty five kids in line.
The other unites looked to be more deranged than we were. There were lots of kids that were yelling random things, running around, and seemed to be heavily handicapped. One of them came up to me, gave me a hug, and then ran away.
Zoe, the depressing girl named Amy, and me got our lunch and sat down at a lone table from everyone else. We talked about regular things, but Zoe always was looking around like something was about to hurt her. She apologized for being weird and ate her sandwich quietly, probably feeling embarrassed about her actions.
Then an idea came up to make her feel better. I told both of them that I had depression because my Grandfather used to sexually abuse me. They were both into my total bullshit story, and they were both really caring about it. Amy looked to be much happier afterward that another person had a depressing past like her.
Next, I added in because of this, the doctors diagnosed me as psychotic. Zoe shot up after I said that, and she admitted that she was like that too. I told her I was surprised, them not knowing I knew that their diagnoses were before i met them, and said that she was very normal. This opened both of them up, and I was in.
Before the bell rang, she asked if I was planning to go to the Special Education Dance on Friday. I looked at them like I didn't have any clue what it was, but I knew that our school was having a dance at night time. Was it the same thing?
She explained that a lot of the kids couldn't handle the pressure of the actual dance and didn't know the people going to that one, so the school let the Special Ed. teachers organize a small one that they were going to have during the lunch period in the gym.
Knowing that this would be a good chance to talk to Zoe some more, I said I would love to go. With both of the girls happy, they talked about what they wanted to wear on that day.
Yes, a Special Education Dance. I really had hit the top of my high school popular, hadn't I?
Friday came quickly, and I was in my T.A class talking to the secretary about my new life in Special Education. She asked if I was having a good time in there, and I couldn't lie about it. I was having a great time in that class. All I had been doing was these silly work sheets on lower level subjects, and I was getting massive points. If I tried, I could probably graduate high school that year and never look back. Zoe, me and Amy became really good friends as well during this time.
Amy told me about her family. Her Mom died of cancer a year or two back, and she started to do worse and worse in school since then. She became unmotivated and that's when she ended up in the Special Ed. unit. She never had any friends to begin with when she came into high school, so her only friend she's ever had in the school was Zoe. Amy also talked about how her Dad didn't really listen to her, and she was never allowed to go out because he was too afraid she would get hurt. Beside Zoe, her best friend was a cat named Tony. He slept by her bed every night, and he was the only one that listened to her when she cried. It fucking depressed me, dammit.
Zoe was different. She was always weird. She didn't just grow into it like Amy. Ever since she was a kid, she admitted that she had imaginary friends. It all started with a talking bunny named Jack. Jack would follow her to school and play with her when none of the other kids did. Her parents thought this was fine until she was 13-years-old and still had imaginary friends. Zoe told her parents that she didn't like any of the kids, and that her imaginary friends didn't like them either.
This led to her going straight to a therapist, and she told the worker that she saw things that no other person could see. She had friends named Jack, Tim, Robert, Mary, and all of these other crazy things. Jack was her best friend, the rabbit, and he was apparently married to Mary who was a raccoon. If she didn't have such a cute voice, I would have been freaked the fuck out.
She got pills for the hallucinations to go away, and they worked somewhat. She admitted that she still talked to Jack at night, and they were still really good friends even if she didn't seem him all the time now. I lied and said that I saw stuff like that to, and she questioned if I had any imaginary friends.
I made up Joseph the Turtle. Joesph, from what I said, was my only friend through my whole life. This was a total and complete lie, but they bought it. Zoe wanted to know what he was like, and I said Joseph was a former kickboxing champion and protected me from bullies. This prompted her to touch my arm, and I melted when she did. Her smile was like a new wave of living coming over me. She said that Jack and Joseph should play together some time, and I agreed, even if it did sound really creepy if someone else was listening into our conversation.
After my T.A period of telling the secretary about my new life, I met Zoe in the classroom. She was wearing a strawberry patterned dress that she wore for the dance. Amy was wearing a black dress as well, and some of the guys were wearing suits, but I couldn't get my eyes off of that beautiful dress she was wearing. It was just so sweet, cute, and cuddly on her, that I wanted to jump on her and have sex on the table.
Noticing that I was dressed down for this thing, I apologized to Mrs. Rook. She said that it was fine and that it wasn't mandatory, and Zoe commented that it was fine that I didn't dress up and only new a few days before it happened.
When the bell rang for lunch, Mrs. Rook led us into the gym where the rest of the Special Education kids were waiting. The dance was very much scaled down. There were a few decorations, a table with cookies and juice on it, and a gigantic stereo playing music, but that was it.
The teachers stood by the wall, talking, and hoping none of the kids hurt each other. The music started to play louder, prompting some of the kids to start dancing. Jonas Brothers, to my rage, started to blast out of the speakers, and some of the more mentally handicapped girls from the other classes started to scream with joy and jump around.
A retarded girl that smelled like sweat took my hand and tried to dance with me while I was by Zoe. I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to look like a douche. I went and danced to the shitty song for a few seconds until I pushed some idiot with a light blue tux on to dance with her.
Amy was talking about how bad the music was, and I agreed. We waited until the song changed to something more suitable, but all the songs were crap. Zoe sat down with me at the end of the row of chairs while Amy went off to go dance with one of the guys in our class.
I wanted to know if she wanted to dance, but she told me that she was too scared to dance. They had one of these a few months ago, and she ended up on the floor crying because she tripped over her feat and landed head first into the cookie table.
I started to burst out laughing like it was a joke, but then I saw it wasn't and felt horrible. She had a depressed look on her face like Amy always did, and I said that it wasn't a big deal. I made up another lie of how I once fell at a dance as well, and she bought it. She thanked me for not treating her like some sort of freak, and I thanked her for also not treating me like some psycho freak.
The song finally got to something good, and I asked her to dance. She was very clumsy, a terrible dancer, and we had to fucking duck a few times because of the retards jumping up and down beside us, but it was a great moment. I had to take hold of her shoulders so she didn't fall, and we started laughing at the end of it because she was able to keep on her feet the whole time.
All in all, it was a good day. A very good day. I was just happy none of my friends saw me, or I would never be able to talk to them again. Especially if they had seen me get dragged away by the crazy handicapped girl.
The day after the dance, I stayed home all day and stared at the pictures that Mrs. Rook took of the class during the party. I pinned the picture of me, Zoe, and Amy on my wall, and I continued to stare at Zoe for a couple of hours to my enjoyment. I didn't think Amy fit the picture and wanted me and my love to be alone in it, so I crossed out her face with black marker. Made the picture much better.
Saturday was spent with me working in the field for my Dad, looking at Zoe in that picture, and watching television with my Mom who wanted to know how school was going. I told it was going great, and she said that it was wonderful that I finally saw the good things about school. I agreed, saying that school was a great place to meet new people, and she asked who I had met.
I told her I met a lot of new, exciting, and caring people that couldn't keep their hands off me. This was true, but I left the part out where the people touching me were mentally retarded and didn't know what they were doing.
Later that night I got call from one of my stoner friends, Todd, and he wondered why he hadn't seen me in school for the last week or two. I panicked a little, forgetting my friends all together, and then realizing that my friends were all dicks. Kinda sad how I totally forgot about my friends I had for five straight years in a second when a new girl came into the picture. Oh well. No big deal.
I said I was going home for lunch and spending extra time in class, and he called me a faggot for going home for lunch. What a great friend I had, right? We talked for a few more minutes about one of my other friend's getting into a fight with some chick, and then I hung up and lied that I had to go mow the lawn at 9:00 PM at night.
Going through Sunday with nothing to do, I probably masturbated to Zoe's picture a few dozens times, posted on the internet for six hours, and then fell asleep knowing that I would see her in the morning.
When I got to class the next morning after my T.A period, Zoe was waiting for me at the only desk in the room. I sat down next to her, giving her a wide smile, and then giving a boring hello to Amy that was also behind me. Amy was cool, but she did not hold the same strings to my heart that Zoe did. She was just so fucking hot, man.
We worked on some idiotic match for a few hours, and then we had lunch. When we got ready to go to lunch, Amy stayed behind, leaving me and Zoe to be alone for once. This was awesome, we could talk more about our lives, and maybe I could ask her out on a date. Was she even allowed to go on dates? Would her parents allow her out of the house? Oh who cares, if worse came to worse, I would smuggle her out in a van and head to Canada.
We got out lunch, started talking, and she told me more about her family. Her Dad was a doctor, banking a lot of money, and her Mom was an egg decorator. Yeah, there are actually people who get paid for decorating eggs. She said that her family loves her, but they think she's some sort of crazy person and locks her in her room all the time. She's never allowed to go out, and they need to meet everyone she's friends with before they can come over and hang out with her. Everyone in Mrs. Rook's class had failed the test except Amy, who comes over almost every day to hang out.
I felt bad for her, knowing that it must suck to be locked up all day without anyone to talk to. Knowing this, I made another bullshit lie about how my family also kept in me inside all day and never allowed me to have friends. She sympathized and said that I must be strong, but I wasn't strong at all. My family WANTED me out of the house. They paid a kid once to be my friend in 6th grade to get me outta my room.
We discussed some other things, but then I asked why Amy wasn't sitting with us. She then said that her and Amy had been talking all weekend, and she had a secret. I asked what the secret is, but Zoe shook her head and was too fidgety to tell me what it was. I took out a piece of paper and gave it to her, wanting to know what the damn secret was.
She took her pencil, wrote a few words, and gave it back with me. She kept her head down, playing with her french fries with her fingers, and I stared at what she wrote:
Amy likes you.
I looked at Zoe, wanting to reassure this wasn't a joke, and she just nodded at me. I stared at where Amy was at the table with the guys from our class, and when I turned to look at her, she turned.
Oh fuck no. This wasn't a plot twist I expected. Time for a new change of action.
Seeing as Amy liked me, this put an obstacle in my plan with getting Zoe. I had to get her out of the equation before bunny girl started to back away from me. Even if the two girls were probably both insane, they still were friends. If Amy liked me, Zoe, a good friend, would never want to make out with a guy that she likes.
After lunch that day, I caught up with Amy while walking to class and asked if she wanted to skip an hour. She said that they could get in trouble and was twitching slightly from me talking to her alone, but I showed her my T.A pass and promised we wouldn't be in trouble.
"But we have a math test," she asked, looking down at the ground and tapping her left foot impatiently like it had an itch. "If we miss it, we'll get marked down."
This was total bull. She might think if we missed the test we would get a grade down, but everyone knew that you could do nothing in that class and get in A. A few day before I had to write a paper about my happiest experience, and I wrote a paragraph about watching a cloud fly by. I got an A on it, and Mrs. Rook said she was really proud of me. What a great program they had going.
"We'll be fine," I told her, not wanting Zoe to see me and her conversing. I thought if I got her away from everyone, I could get this whole squared away before it became a bigger problem. "Let's go to my first period class."
We dropped down a few stairs and got to the assistant principal's office that I worked at in the mornings. The secretary said hello to me and Amy, and I lied about having to use one of the conference rooms to type up a paper for class. The secretary bought of all it, told us to lock it so that no one disturbed us, and even offered us some water.
When inside, we sat down on the overpriced chairs they buy for the school and looked at each other. My chair was facing her, and she tried to move her body to side so that it wasn't so awkward for her.
"I came here to tell you that I love you," I told Amy straight out. Okay, don't hate me for this plan, but I only had ten minutes to come and think of it. Being in Special Education wasn't really helping either with the whole plan scheming ideas. "I really, really love you. Ever since the day I went into that class to give that note to Mrs. Rook, I knew I loved you."
My plan was simple. I would creep her the fuck out. She was more socially awkward than I would ever be, and she was depressed. I would make her feel like she was going to explode from be hitting on her, and she would leave me alone forever. Amy would be so freaked out that I loved her that she would probably even give me and Zoe more time alone.
"I love you, too."
I was silent. This wasn't what I expected. She had her hands under her chin and was shaking in her chair. I tried to process what she said, but I was trying to act like it didn't just happen. She was supposed to be freaked out and saying how this would never work. Crushes don't work this way. You can't fall in love with someone you've only known for a week or two, can you? Oh wait...I did with the psycho. Time for another plan.
"Really? You love me?" I asked her, putting my hands on her arm rests and staring deeply into her...boring and plain eyes. She gave a half-smile, beads of sweating dropping from her forehead, and I expected her any second to run away, scared for her life. "Let's have sex. Let's have wild sex right here!"
When I screamed that, I heard a knock at the door and someone asking if I was alright in there. It was the secretary. I told her it was fine and that I was reading a line from the play we were reading, and she bought it like always. Turing around to see Amy, her face was already inches from mine and her lips were puckered like some crappy Myspace photo.
My head turned even more, her lips plunging into my hair, and she fell atop of me when she lunged in even more. Her lips bashed against my hair and then my ear a few hundred times while I tried not to make any noise and get the school officials on my ass.
"I love you! I really, really love you," she said over and over like a broken record, keeping on with her terrible puckered kissing. This really sucked being my first kiss and all, but beggars couldn't be choosers. "Me and Zoe talked about you all weekend. I said how good your hair smelt when you came into class, and I said how beautiful your voice was when you answered a question. You're so smart and funny. You're really kind and you understand me!"
This prompted her to try and take off her shirt, but she failed and fell onto the ground in an awkward manner. If this wasn't a situation that could get me expelled, I would of probably laughed my ass off. Confused and scared of expulsion, I helped straighten out her shirt, get up, and leave the room hand-in-hand before someone caught us.
When we stepped out of the room, she thanked me for her first kiss and gave me a dangerous hug around my ribs. She tried to kiss me again on the cheek, but I commented that people could be watching and that we could get in trouble.
"Yeah, uh...you should get back to the room. If you get there right now, you might make the test!"
"Okay, let's go." she insisted, pulling my arm and walking forward.
"No, no. I'll catch up with you in a few minutes. I have to go give my pass, okay?" I laughed, giving her a goodbye wave before she ran off to get back to class. When she was out of sight, I sighed and said fuck it. I was not going back to class today.
Instead I told the secretary I was going home to get something, and she wrote me a pass that got me out without anyone questioning me. I didn't go back that day. I had to look at Zoe's picture all night to get the horrifying picture of those lips piercing my hair.
And this my friends, is the story of how I joined Special Ed. to fuck a retarded girl.
(ending to be continued)
written by unknown